I know He does this all the time for me, from a beautiful sunset to my car running how it should. He keeps me safe and healthy and while if you were to ask, I would tell you He is there for me. That He loves me.
I'd been ignoring His gifts, the wonderful gifts He kept trying to lavish and love me with. I let sadness and grief overtake me I desired for a Godly man to take the place of Christ.
Yet He continued to pursue me and in one moment, I was blessed beyond imagine.
A few weeks ago, I had reorganized my room and found, under my bed, an unmarked CD. Figuring I'd check it out later, it has sat on my dresser since then, when today, after a crying session, God knew what I needed to hear from Him.
My IPod sat playing on shuffle as I slid the disk in. As the files loaded and the first pictures skipped across my view, this song played:
The first time I truly heard this song... was in the middle of a field, just God and me. I remember taking my shoes off and dancing with Him underneath the stars, the dew slicking my feet as I spun around in the grass. I was reminded of the intimacy no man can ever establish, this intimacy I can experience with my Lord and Savior that is sufficient for all days.
I was reminded of how my Father and my Lover think of me. As I saw the pictures of me, I heard God saying how beautiful I really am and how proud He is of my endeavors and growth over the last few years. I felt His forgiveness as my soul rushed back to the embrace of my Lover, the one who sees me as constantly beautiful and His beloved.
While I vaguely remember having these photos taken (and I laugh because at the time I wasn't even considering Cedarville), I had truly forgotten about them. God knew when I would need these photos again, He knew the perfect moment to bask me in His love, to remind me of my beauty, and His grace for me.
Not everything will be perfect. I may even cry again tonight, but I am firmly reminded of the hope in me by Christ. The struggles aren't gone. I still lack community and deep friendships to thrive within, but my trust in Christ remains as I continue to pray and seek His guidance in these things. He's reminded me He is always there, no matter how isolated and alone the enemy attempts to make me feel.
May all the praise and glory be His and my actions serve to further His name, for there is no greater thanks I can give towards Christ in response to the glorious gifts He has granted me than for others to experience an intimate relationship with Him.
Thanks, God
